I’m not sure if it’s an old wives tale or whether its unequivocal scientific fact or whether its an ancient form of druidic witchcraft, but somewhere, someone came up with the line that every 7 years or so, your taste buds change. I used to refute this claim as I do most religious nuttery. That is until it happened to me.
My first big change was probably nuts. For the whole of my upbringing if I was presented with nuts, I’d happily put one in my mouth, chomp it up until it was a fine nutty crumble, then expel the hideously tasting thing out in any way I could. Usually vocally and usually very messy – a lot of nut filled drool. Blurgh!
Then a couple of years ago it was sweetners and dark chocolate. I used to have a very sweet coffee with two saccharine filled sweetners in every cup. That was until one day my taste kind of changed and then blam….no sweetners. No siree bob. Yuk. And as for dark chocolate – I mean who eats dark chocolate. Well apparently, I do now. (That’s not to say that I don’t like Milk Choc. That’s still the boss. Don’t get me started on that Milky bar white shit though. The only chocolate that tastes like what it looks like when you have to flob it out! I’m saying it tastes like white puke. I think dogs are the only creatures that seem to vom up white stuff. Well them and people who eat a lot of chicken soup.)
The latest crazy body changing life fuck up that seems to have happened is that I’m kinda going off coke. Not wacky dust, you know…aunt dora…come on you know…bazooka, big C, Billie Hoke, cholly, the ol’ Henry VIII, snow white, Tar dust, white mosquito. Nah Not that stuff, the fizzy drink coke or Cola based carbonated drink to be precise. (The more astute amongst you might have spotted that I just blagged that list of cocaine related slang word from an alphabetic list somewhere. I don’t really know that many words for nose candy).
I think the catalyst I have to thank from bringing about what could be the end of my fizzy drinks period could be none other than mass marketed bastard juice otherwise known as Pepsi Max.
Now I should point out that Max was never my drink of choice but as we have an advertisers dreamchild in our house who seems to obey all advertising, the in-house brown sweet water choice has shifted to the cooler, hipper, flava that seems to have fucked up my tastebuds …. To the MAX.
It does seem that the more age you collect (not that I’ve collected that much you understand), the more things try and change you so that you’re never the old you anymore.
To a certain degree I can cope with somethings changing and I just think, “Yeah….James Bond probably wouldn’t do this. I’ll probably seem more sophisticated now.” Or “Yeah….It probably is bad for me, so stopping now will immediately cancel out the millions of them I’ve had throughout my life so far”. Or “Yeah…Bollocks….why don’t I like chips any more?” I hope that last one doesn’t happen though in all fairness.
Anyway, to compensate for the fact that I no longer like some things, here is a quick list of things I do like (and hope don’t ever change) in case you want to get me any of them.
Chips. Prawn Toast. Scotch Eggs. Plain Pork Sausages (none of that fancy shit). Fish Finger sandwiches and Jam Roly Poly.
All good healthy stuff I’m sure you’ll agree.
Then a couple of years ago it was sweetners and dark chocolate. I used to have a very sweet coffee with two saccharine filled sweetners in every cup. That was until one day my taste kind of changed and then blam….no sweetners. No siree bob. Yuk. And as for dark chocolate – I mean who eats dark chocolate. Well apparently, I do now. (That’s not to say that I don’t like Milk Choc. That’s still the boss. Don’t get me started on that Milky bar white shit though. The only chocolate that tastes like what it looks like when you have to flob it out! I’m saying it tastes like white puke. I think dogs are the only creatures that seem to vom up white stuff. Well them and people who eat a lot of chicken soup.)
The latest crazy body changing life fuck up that seems to have happened is that I’m kinda going off coke. Not wacky dust, you know…aunt dora…come on you know…bazooka, big C, Billie Hoke, cholly, the ol’ Henry VIII, snow white, Tar dust, white mosquito. Nah Not that stuff, the fizzy drink coke or Cola based carbonated drink to be precise. (The more astute amongst you might have spotted that I just blagged that list of cocaine related slang word from an alphabetic list somewhere. I don’t really know that many words for nose candy).
I think the catalyst I have to thank from bringing about what could be the end of my fizzy drinks period could be none other than mass marketed bastard juice otherwise known as Pepsi Max.
Now I should point out that Max was never my drink of choice but as we have an advertisers dreamchild in our house who seems to obey all advertising, the in-house brown sweet water choice has shifted to the cooler, hipper, flava that seems to have fucked up my tastebuds …. To the MAX.
It does seem that the more age you collect (not that I’ve collected that much you understand), the more things try and change you so that you’re never the old you anymore.
To a certain degree I can cope with somethings changing and I just think, “Yeah….James Bond probably wouldn’t do this. I’ll probably seem more sophisticated now.” Or “Yeah….It probably is bad for me, so stopping now will immediately cancel out the millions of them I’ve had throughout my life so far”. Or “Yeah…Bollocks….why don’t I like chips any more?” I hope that last one doesn’t happen though in all fairness.
Anyway, to compensate for the fact that I no longer like some things, here is a quick list of things I do like (and hope don’t ever change) in case you want to get me any of them.
Chips. Prawn Toast. Scotch Eggs. Plain Pork Sausages (none of that fancy shit). Fish Finger sandwiches and Jam Roly Poly.
All good healthy stuff I’m sure you’ll agree.
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